


Drawing Lessons

by anarchyarmin



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Multi, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-02
Updated: 2016-04-02
Packaged: 2018-05-30 20:35:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6439531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anarchyarmin/pseuds/anarchyarmin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With some patient instruction from Hange, Levi discovers he has a talent that isn't lying or killing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drawing Lessons

Levi paced through Erwin’s office, waiting on the meeting that had not yet begun. A pile of papers lay scattered across the desk, and Levi itched to straighten them. He looked closer, and near-perfect likenesses of Erwin, Mike, and Nile gazed up at him from the scratchy parchment. He flipped through the pages and met the faces of a half-dozen soldiers he had never seen before. Underneath some of them, in Erwin’s crisp handwriting, were names and dates. Twisted titan limbs and grotesque faces followed; then, diagrams of the inner chambers of the maneuvering gear. At the bottom corner of each page were the inconspicuous initials H.Z.

Hange wandered into the room, also early.

“Did you draw these?” Levi asked, holding up Erwin’s portrait. Hange gave a shy laugh.

“I did…I sketch all the time, so I can draw the titans quickly.”

“Why are there drawings of the others corps members?” 

Hange gave him a perplexed, innocent look. “I have to practice on someone.”

Levi stared at the portrait. It was Erwin, and not Erwin. He had seen the grandiose oil portraits of the nobles hanging in corridors throughout Mitras, and it had taken every last ounce of his willpower not to piss on them when no one was looking. Hange’s sketch was so simple, but it felt alive. Levi had never seen anything quite like it. 

“But, I also just like to draw. It passes the time between expeditions,” Hange added with a twinge of sadness. “And sometimes, well…it gives us something to remember the others by.”

Levi stood still and understood. The dates Erwin had added to Hange’s sketches were births and deaths. Then a thought bolted through him. How well, he wondered, could Hange draw from memory? Were Isabel and Farlan’s faces staring at the top of a drawer somewhere? Could he see them again?

Heavy footsteps echoed in the hallway. Levi hastily put the drawing back on the desk.

Erwin talked soberly about delays in the upcoming expedition; about supply routes, the risks and advantages of the snow. Hange lectured excitedly about the movement and metabolism of titans in the winter, eyes wide and glowing. Levi tried to listen, but kept getting distracted by the contours and shadows of Erwin’s face. How could Hange see them so perfectly? And how long had Erwin sat in front of them, dutifully being captured?

A pang of jealousy tightened in his chest. 

*  
Hazy curtains of snow covered the windows. Another week would pass before the next expedition began.

Levi hacked at his pencil with his knife until it formed a clean point, and sat down facing Hange, who busily entered numbers into a long ledger.

“Ok, this time I want you to only look at where you see areas of dark and light. I don’t want you to think about seeing a face at all. Just shapes of dark and light.”

Levi stared at his mentor’s face and began to hatch into the page in front of him. Gradually, Hange’s hair, eyes, and ears began to emerge, as if seeing his subject through a sort of fog.

“Ok, now show me!” 

Levi slid the page across the table.

“Hey, this is looking good!” 

Levi would never understand Hange’s perpetual warmth, but he appreciated it. Then, a tint of sadness tempered his excitement. I’ve never been good at anything that wasn’t lying or killing things, he thought.

“Now, I want you to look at where the very darkest places are, and where you see boundaries between different colors.”

Levi laid down more graphite. Hange had sat patiently with him through many snapped pencils and crumbled pieces of parchment chucked across the room in fits of rage. His frustrated outbursts had startled the peaceful horses they had sketched in the barn the week before, and he blamed himself for ruining what was shaping up to be a real masterpiece of Hange’s. But now their patience was paying off, and Levi could see the bemused expression of his beloved friend taking shape beneath his hand. He could not keep from smiling. 

“Now you’re getting it!” Hange grinned widely and snapped up the sheet of paper. “Mike, come look at this!”

“Wait, no, Hange, don’t—“

Too late. Levi froze as he watched Mike’s expression. Mike smiled.

“You know, this is really good,” Mike said. “Especially for a guy who can barely sign his name.”

“Mike! Don’t be an ass.” Hange gave him a playful slap.

“Hey, I said it was good, didn’t I?” Mike retorted in mock offense.

Levi felt a painful softening spread through him. Did you really think, he wondered, that you would never grow to like these people? Or never have friends again? Was it really such a betrayal to laugh with them?

*  
He had learned a lot of things since joining the corps. More than he wanted to admit. Horses no longer scared him, and he now even made a point of accompanying Hange to check on them. Erwin sometimes pointed out the names of trees and of birds, while Levi drew on his years of gambling to conceal his fascination with animals and the sky. 

On a clear evening the week before, Erwin had sat with him by the bonfire and told him the names of all the constellations he knew. Levi gingerly allowed himself to rest his head against Erwin’s shoulder. Erwin, tentatively, wrapped his arm around Levi, and when he felt Levi’s body relax rather than stiffen, he started recounting the folktales he could remember about the monsters and warriors hidden in the sky.

*  
“You learn so quickly, you know,” Hange said with a gleeful expression. “I just think it’s great!”

By now, Mike had retired to his room and the fire had dimmed to a few glowing embers. Hange wrapped their arms around Levi’s shoulders and gave him a big squeeze and a kiss on the ear.

“When I write my book about titans, you’re going to help me illustrate it!” Hange giggled, and Levi, trying to repress a laugh, just snorted a little. 

“No, really, I’m proud of you!” said Hange.

Levi went quiet and still. An old memory bloomed in his mind. His mother, gently holding his five-year-old hand, helping him trace the letters of his name in a pile of sand. Then, he did it on his own. “I’m so proud of you,” she had exclaimed, wrapping her arms around him and kissing his cheek.

*

Erwin glanced up from his desk. Levi was silhouetted against the faint gray light pouring through the window, sifting through a tall stack of reports. They sat, as they often did, working and not saying anything, just taking in the other’s presence. Hange’s elaborate budget covered Erwin’s entire desk. His eyes glazed over. Thinking of the previous week’s bonfire, Erwin wished he had more stories to tell Levi. Some pretext, anything really, just to get a bit closer.

Winter, Erwin realized, was the season of quiet. The snow outside dampened the sound so well that he could hear the fire cracking and Levi sipping his tea. A faint sound of scratching permeated the air.

“What are you doing?” Erwin asked.

“Nothing… reading,” Levi answered, a little too quickly.

The scratching continued and Erwin tried to concentrate on the Hange’s rows of figures.

When Levi left to join the others for dinner, Erwin noticed a few off-color sheets of paper mixed in with the stack of newspapers and reports that Levi had left on the couch.

He gently tugged the corner of a sheet of parchment. A wave of warmth swelled in his chest. On the paper was a detailed sketch of his own face, next to a loose, meandering drawing of a warrior made of stars.


End file.
